I often get such questions from parents:
"My daughter is 11 years old. For more than two months, I watched porn channels in Telegram, where the nipples are rubbed with mustard, rough sex, etc. They saw it, talked to it, and deleted it. Three weeks later, she signed up again. Again we talked: they say, you don't need to see it, in the life of normal people it doesn't happen, and bad people earn money on it. Deleted.
A week ago, I saw that she had signed up again and was watching. How to behave, so as not to spoil her healthy attitude to sex in adulthood? And do I need to show it to a doctor, in case something unhealthy has already been sown in my head?»
First. We never know how an event / content will affect a particular child. It happens very differently. No one knows, except for the girl herself, which reaction of the parents will be more correct in this situation.
Second. You can not check the child's personal account and phone number. This can only be done if you have a clear agreement, and the child has allowed you. Otherwise, it is a gross violation of personal boundaries, which will lead to a loss of trust and deception.
The third. Prepubescent children (7-10 years old) and teenagers often watch hardcore. It's not just about sex. Horror films, scenes of murder, violence, and bullying (including animal abuse). That doesn't mean they'll grow up to be violent people. Most often, the opposite is true: in adult life, they will be shocked by these memories.
https://habr.com/ru/company/ruvds/blog/535648/ - here's a recent study that refuted the suggestion that children who play violent video games are more violent in adulthood.
I asked my subscribers to write about their experience: why they continued to watch hardcore porn even after their parents ' ban. WHAT did they get from watching adult content?
Here is a list of reasons in order of priority:
- New sensations (previously unknown), arousal, it excited and helped to masturbate.
- Ordinary interest, curiosity, lack of information: what is sex?
- Adrenaline: it's cool to watch what you can't! ("I was protected from everything, I wanted to see bad things").
- Lack of love, attention, affection, understanding in the family. Porn-as compensation for this
- Involvement in adult life
- Abuse ("I felt "broken", I wanted to look just like me")
- Low self-esteem, a way to stand out, get recognition among the same age
- Relief, stress, emotional discharge/repressed aggression, the ban on anger
- No other entertainment, fashion for hardcore porn among children and teenagers.
- Some of them were interested in the topic: How to become a pornstar in 21th century?
95% of the stories from subscribers who watched all sorts of game as a child and / or teenager ended with the words: now I don't watch this, in real life I prefer "vanilla" sex.
What should parents do?
- Build a trusting relationship with your child from birth (observe personal boundaries, answer all questions, be sincere and empathetic).
- Before handing over the gadget, create a set of rules with the child, explain that "there is adult and violent content on the Internet, and if you come across it - just tell us"
- Keep calm, and remember that sometimes the reaction of adults/parents is more traumatic than the game from the Internet.
Author: Kelly Bergstrom
